My dearest Lulu,
I woke up this morning with an urge to write to you. Some seconds ago, as I poured hot black coffee in my beautiful white mug, the thoughts which are flooding my mind calmed themselves, and I could hear the silence again.
The conversation we held yesterday was deep yet honest and fresh. I spoke my mind and I really meant everything I said. As usual the subjects changed from second to second, and it amazed me how we manage to talk about work, friendship, love and life through the messenger, one of my best friends since I left. We jumped from one topic to the other, both knowing that we had to talk about everything within a limited period of time. We had to work, but feelings came first.
Every time that I talk to you, I try to picture your face in my head, your laughter, your voice. I remember the image of the person I have come to love in such a short time. Sometimes I feel I didn’t cherish enough the moments we shared together. I wish I had met you years ago. But you know, I believe things happen for a reason and I’m only happy I met you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss you, my friend.
As for my decision, it’s not quite a decision… you know what I mean. I change my mind every day, sometimes craving for it and others thinking I am not ready yet. Am I ready? Do I want this? What is it that I want? I have always been sure of what I wanted, of my goals in life, everything so damn structured, so perfect, so planned. And for the second time in my life everything turned 180º, but this time in a good way.
There are times when I just sit down, look around, and I just don’t buy it. It’s a beautiful and enriching experience and I’m aware of that. It’s just that I miss many things. Have you ever felt like this? Happy and sad at the same time?
Anyway, you know my approach to life right now. It’s not only about my ‘positive vibration’, it’s the way I feel. Calmed, relaxed, enlightened. Due to what? I’ve no idea. It’s good though, to feel this way. I am just waiting for a sign now, to do what I don’t know if I want to do. It should be easier now, I took the first step, you know. But then again all these questions come to me, invade me, and I have this feeling that I don’t want to do this. How is it possible? I thought a strong feeling would come and that would be it. It shouldn’t be this hard. Friend, I will just let the events unfold.
May the light shine upon thee.
Love,
Antonia
I woke up this morning with an urge to write to you. Some seconds ago, as I poured hot black coffee in my beautiful white mug, the thoughts which are flooding my mind calmed themselves, and I could hear the silence again.
The conversation we held yesterday was deep yet honest and fresh. I spoke my mind and I really meant everything I said. As usual the subjects changed from second to second, and it amazed me how we manage to talk about work, friendship, love and life through the messenger, one of my best friends since I left. We jumped from one topic to the other, both knowing that we had to talk about everything within a limited period of time. We had to work, but feelings came first.
Every time that I talk to you, I try to picture your face in my head, your laughter, your voice. I remember the image of the person I have come to love in such a short time. Sometimes I feel I didn’t cherish enough the moments we shared together. I wish I had met you years ago. But you know, I believe things happen for a reason and I’m only happy I met you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss you, my friend.
As for my decision, it’s not quite a decision… you know what I mean. I change my mind every day, sometimes craving for it and others thinking I am not ready yet. Am I ready? Do I want this? What is it that I want? I have always been sure of what I wanted, of my goals in life, everything so damn structured, so perfect, so planned. And for the second time in my life everything turned 180º, but this time in a good way.
There are times when I just sit down, look around, and I just don’t buy it. It’s a beautiful and enriching experience and I’m aware of that. It’s just that I miss many things. Have you ever felt like this? Happy and sad at the same time?
Anyway, you know my approach to life right now. It’s not only about my ‘positive vibration’, it’s the way I feel. Calmed, relaxed, enlightened. Due to what? I’ve no idea. It’s good though, to feel this way. I am just waiting for a sign now, to do what I don’t know if I want to do. It should be easier now, I took the first step, you know. But then again all these questions come to me, invade me, and I have this feeling that I don’t want to do this. How is it possible? I thought a strong feeling would come and that would be it. It shouldn’t be this hard. Friend, I will just let the events unfold.
May the light shine upon thee.
Love,
Antonia
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